


Quietude

by Naiesu



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Choking, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5723257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naiesu/pseuds/Naiesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>What if Gon had gotten to the point where he started acting more reckless?</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quietude

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of [talk-kaneki-to-me](http://talk-kaneki-to-me.tumblr.com/)'s amazing [art](http://talk-kaneki-to-me.tumblr.com/post/134093853564/xies-unfinished-emo-hxh-story). Check out their stuff if you have the chance!

Killua stood in a small forest clearing, hands stuffed in his pockets. Pulling off a somewhat aloof façade was his goal at the moment.

Only because the boy he had once prided himself in knowing looked skittish as a doe. Gon was trying his hand at an animated look, hands clasped behind his back and head cocked cutely as he bounced on the balls of his feet. A smile was tugging at the corner of his lips, but it almost looked nervous, like he knew he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing.

That was exactly what was happening.

"Gon," Killua started, watching with rapt attention at the way he jolted, "What are you doing?"

It was hardly a question—more of a demand. He wasn't going to let Gon slip out of his fingers again until he knew _exactly_ what was going on with him.

"What do you mean, Killua?"

An inquiry that wouldn't have been abnormal if it hadn't been lined with wary undertones. Killua narrowed his eyes, taking a step forward. Gon stopped bouncing.

"Why are you out here if you're hurt."

Gon swallowed, muscles jumping as he clenched his hands behind his back. His eyes flickered away, but quickly locked on to Killua's again, smile faintly crinkling the corners of his eyes. "I'm OK! Really!"

Another step forward, and Gon tensed. Killua was backing him into the timberline.

"You're _not_ OK." Had he ever been OK after what happened to Kite? Had he ever been OK in the first place? "Gon you're covered in—in—" Bruises, cuts, scrapes, _blood_. His throat closed up. "…whose blood is that?"

Gon looked down at himself, eyes widening as though he hadn't noticed the maroon color staining his otherwise white tank top. He unclasped his hands, bringing them to his front to pick at the fabric, which he rolled it between his fingers. His skin came away shiny and red.

There was a brief pause.

"It's not mine."

 _Liar_.

Killua stepped all the way up to him, glaring down. "Tell me the truth, Gon."

Gon looked up at him, eyes blank, demeanor challenging. "It _is_ the truth."

Killua clasped his shoulders, shoving him into a tree. "Don't lie to me!"

Sun caught in Gon's eyes, making them flare amber. He said nothing.

"Why are you acting like this?!" Killua pulled him forward and slammed him back again, ignoring the way the bark dug into his knuckles. "People are _worried_ , Gon! You disappear for _weeks_ at a time, you don't tell anyone where you're _going_ , and then you show up like _this_?!" He tugged on the torn and fraying cloth--what was left of it, anyway--of Gon's green coat.

The boy in question continued to stare, something like cold indifference taking place of his faux smile.

"Aren't you going to say anything?!" Killua waited, but when no answer was forthcoming, he continued. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he didn't have it in him to hold them back any longer. "Leorio said the last time he saw you there was hardly any of _you_ left! 'Said you were covered from head to toe in _gouges_ , and you only showed up—apparently not even looking like yourself with half your face smashed in—so he could fix your broken arm!"

There was a bout of silence when Killua stopped talking. He waited and waited and waited, but Gon did nothing but stare at him with a hardening gaze. He clenched Gon's shoulders, shaking him, but his body rolled back and forth limply, as though he didn't care enough to stop Killua.

And he probably didn't. Killua wasn't stupid—he knew Gon was becoming reckless, unconcerned with his own wellbeing. After seeing his fight with Pitou, it couldn't have been doubted that he was willing to throw his life away. He didn't care anymore.

Maybe he simply wanted to die.

"You have to snap out of this, Gon! It's not—"

"I don't _'have'_ to do anything."

Killua stopped shaking him, staring down in disbelief. He wasn't...he wasn't serious, right? That wasn't the Gon he knew—wasn't the Gon he had thought he'd known. Shouldn't he be the one bubbly and excited, pulling Killua along for the ride? The one so entranced by the prospect of adventure? Not the one throwing himself in harm's way like he enjoyed the feeling of his own shattered bones and rent flesh.

Sure, he had stooped into somewhat of a depression after what had happened to Kite, but Killua had thought that would be over and done with now that Pitou was gone. He had gotten his revenge—if revenge could be considered a synonym for 'maiming' and 'brutality'.

Apparently he wasn't back to normal.

Gon reached up, clenching Killua's fingers just a fraction too hard. "Let me go."

He was hesitantly released—Killua didn't want him darting off like he seemed wont to do as of late.

That's just what he started to do.

Killua lunged forward, wrapping his hand around Gon's wrist. "You can't just keep running off!"

He was forced to let go when Gon tore his arm away. "Watch me."

"You're not going to leave until you tell me what's going on!"

Gon stopped, head down. "Oh? And you're going to stop me?" A broken chuckle made his shoulders shake. "I wouldn't try that if I were you."

Something in his tone made Killua freeze. He sounded menacing, hostile.

"Are you...threatening me?"

Gon turned around, eyebrow lifted and lips twisting down into a sneer. "What if I am?"

"Who _are_ you anymore?!" Killua wanted so badly to pull at his own hair. "You're not the kid I met at the Hunter Exam!"

"I thought that was obvious." Gon turned around fully, head still cocked and eyes trained on Killua's. His fingers twitched minutely before curling into the flesh of his palm. The gesture made Killua somewhat nervous—he looked like he wanted to tear him apart, and Gon was infamous for being possessed by his emotions. "Or have you lost that analytical nature of yours?"

"Just tell me what's going on, Gon! I want to help—"

"I don't care what you want!"

He stormed forward, shoulders back and eyes holding the promise of violence. He would hold true to his threat. Killua was rooted to the spot, too shocked by Gon's sudden anger.

A finger jabbed him in the chest. Gon couldn't have been more than a foot away.

"Why do you want to help?! Why do I matter _now_ all of a sudden?! Now that I'm not around all the time to lift everybody's spirits I'm suddenly _important_?!"

"No—!" Killua was shaking his head, eyes wide. He didn't know what to do. He had never seen Gon like this, or at least not seen him taking out his frustrations on a friend. "No, Gon, that's not what I—"

"Well, guess what?" Gon cut him off. " _I don't care_. It's not possible for me to care _less_." He shoved Killua away, turning back around. "I'm leaving. Don't follow me."

After stumbling for a moment, Killua caught his footing, furious and itching for a fight. He could feel himself shaking, could feel the static prickling at his skin. How often did he have to look at Gon's back, to watch him try to take on the world by himself? Not even take on the world at this point. It was more of the world pounding him into submission.

Killua was sick of it.

He grabbed Gon's shoulder, spinning him. "I told you, I'm not letting—!"

The elbow to the face was unexpected.

His head hit the ground, hard, and when he opened his eyes again his vision swam. He reached up to touch his nose, now busted. "What the hell—?!"

Gon dropped down on his chest, forcing the air from his lungs. "I told you to leave me alone!"

"Why should I listen to you if you won't do the same?!" He shouted, swinging his fist up with everything he had. The world was still shaking, and he missed Gon's chin, instead grazing his nose.

Blood dribbled onto his cheek, but he ignored it. Gon reeled, cradling his face, but came back swinging just as hard. His knuckles caught Killua's jaw, whose head jerked sideways.

"What is your problem?" He slurred, trying to spare himself time so he could get his bearings again. Liquid flooded his mouth.

" _My_ problem?!" Gon laughed, but it was bitter and callous. His hands dropped to pin Killua's shoulders to the ground. "You're the one that showed up making demands! _I_ don’t bother _you_!"

"That's because I _never see you_!" Killua turned forward, collecting all the blood in his mouth to spit it upward. Gon wasn't fazed, even with it dripping down his chin alongside what was still coming from his nose. "You're _never around_! Did you ever think maybe we _cared_?!"

"No, because _you don't_!" Gon's hands slid inward. He squeezed his eyes shut, a sob separating his words. "I'm sick of all this! _You_ don't care, _Leorio_ doesn't care, and Kurapika and Aunt Mito and _Ging_ don't care!"

Panic crept up Killua's throat, which now had two hands fit snuggly around it. He took a deep breath, trying to still his heart, trying to conjure up something to placate.

"Gon," he said, voice low and soothing, "That's not true."

Fingers gave a sharp squeeze, and Killua scrabbled at Gon's wrists, hands locking around them.

"You're a liar! You're _lying_ , Killua! You got mad at me for it, but you're doing the same thing! You just want me to come back with you! None of you cared before, but I get hurt a few times and all of a sudden I matter _so much_!" He shook his head, bottom lip trembling. “…why won’t you just tell the truth?”

"I'm not lying, Gon!" He wheezed when Gon clenched his fingers again. "I know you—"

Gon's hands pressed down, and Killua clawed at his skin, trying in vain to muster the energy to stop him. If he could just concentrate enough to focus his nen! He choked out Gon's name, but the sound only seemed to spur him on. Thumbs dug into his neck, breaking skin, and blood welled up around Gon's fingers, pooling under his nails.

" ** _Shut up_**.”


End file.
